“Where To Put Your First Thoughts”
A Critique

This is a delightful exploration of those places in the poet’s mind where dreams are born and subtly morph into the subtext of the daily reality. The poem celebrates the intimacy that can exist between the waking dream and the experiential world, especially for young people not yet undone by life.

The poet aptly uses the comfortable and familiar – making a bed, braiding hair, eating breakfast, riding with the windows down – to emphasize the magical nature of the dream in the context of the waking thought. The poem ultimately insists to the reader that these imaginative recollections are a form of treasure, to be hidden away here and there, shared with the deserving, and revisited when needed. It’s certain that the source of these ‘first thoughts’ is the same place from which poetry is kindled.

Poetics abound:

    ..surround yourself in last night’s dreams

    Twist a strand of nonsense into your sister’s hair

    Sprinkle some inklings into the morning’s breakfast

The poem is well voiced in order to complement the dream-like quality of the recollections; when read aloud, the poem’s structure invites the reader to speak in a smoothly flowing and almost conversational tone. 

** Observations **

The free verse format is a good choice for this poem because the restrictions imposed by rhyme scheme and meter, i.e., formal poetic construction, might have limited the writer’s ability to describe simply and warmly those moments of introspection. However, free verse still demands attention to detail. Punctuation is always a tricky thing in free verse, as is line length. For example, in free verse (as in rhymed verse), the last word on a line has a sort of primacy of place – the eye lingers on it and the mind expands upon it, and there’s an expectation that the last word is a meaningful preface for the very first word of the following line – so let’s look at a line or two in the poem with that in mind.

The fourth and fifth lines of the first stanza are:

    and be careful they do not slip out past the
    dust ruffle

The sixth and seventh lines of the first stanza are:

    leave them there for later, when the day lingers
    longer

The poet might therefore wish to experiment with the first stanza, e.g.:

    Fold your thoughts into the sheets
    as you make your bed.
    Tuck them between the florals and cotton
    and be careful they do not slip out
    past the dust ruffle:
    Leave them there for later
    when the day lingers longer;
    when you can crawl into the quilts and comfort
    and surround yourself in last night’s dreams.

Usually, a free verse poem is happiest when it is either fully punctuated, or not punctuated at all.

**

I very much like the sentimental visual imagery that the poet has fashioned in this poem. It speaks of a shared human experience that’s very relatable, while still putting the reader in touch with that mysterious place from which our angels of thought ascend.

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Poem critiqued by
Jeffrey Rawlings,
State Poetry Critic
for the Poet's Roundtable of Arkansas (Mar 2016)

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